“Real love is capable of being alone” – Osho

I started reading Osho’s books 2 years ago since I was so depressed. I made a choice, and with that choice I bet all my faith on a person, then I failed. Since faith is often misplaced. Lesson learnt. The worse thing is I can barely believe in my own decisions anymore.

“Think about this a little – your constant need for love. You want someone to love you, and if someone loves you you feel good. But what you don’t know is that the other loves you only because he wants you to love him. It is just like someone throwing bait to fish: he does not throw it for the fish to eat, he throws it to catch the fish. He does not want to give it to the fish, he only does it because he wants the fish. All the people that you see in love around you are only throwing bait to get love. They will throw the bait for a while, until the other person starts feeling that there is a possibility of getting love from this person. Then he too will start showing some love until eventually they realize that both of them are beggars. They have made a mistake: each had thought the other was an emperor. And in time each one realizes that he is not getting any love from the other, and that’s when the friction starts.”

I’ve learned to live a fuller life, a less demanding life.

For example, when I’m upset, I call my best-friend and she is busy with her own stuff and she can’t spare her time to listen to me. Is she selfish? Should I be angry with her? Or on Valentine day, my boyfriend doesn’t have any flower or fancy gift for me, should I be mad?

“Hence, it looks very contradictory, paradoxical, when stated in such a way: “Love brings aloneness.” You were thinking all along that love brings togetherness. I am not saying that it does not bring togetherness, but unless you are alone you cannot be together. Who is going to be together? Two persons are needed to be together, two independent persons are needed to be together. A togetherness will be rich, infinitely rich, if both the persons are utterly independent. If they are dependent on each other, it is not a togetherness – it is a slavery, it is a bondage.

If they are dependent on each other, clinging, possessive, if they don’t allow each other to be alone, if they don’t allow each other space enough to grow, they are enemies, not lovers; they are destructive to each other, they are not helping each other to find their souls, their beings. What kind of love is this? It may be just fear of being alone; hence they are clinging to each other. But real love knows no fear. Real love is capable of being alone, utterly alone, and out of that aloneness grows a togetherness.”

Normally there’s a Yes answer from my friends. I think it should be a No. Why? Because those people don’t have any responsibility to take care of my mood or to make me happy. I should be glad if they can schedule their busy life to stay with me. My best-friend – her duty is not to listen to me. I should feel grateful if she have time for me. Plus in case my boyfriend doesn’t show up with flowers or fancy stuff, the question for myself is whether I really need it at all. I don’t like flowers anyway. For me it’s a way of wasting money for spending on flowers on those special days since flowers on those days are ridiculously overpriced. Plus for me, flowers in a vase, no matter how fancy that vase is, are beautiful dying creatures, and it is just cruel.

Well, so that’s just my egoism. Because other girls have flowers, then I must have flowers even though deep inside I don’t care.

That’s it. Lesson 101: To live a less demanding life.

“If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Is it true? I said it but I did not believe in my words at all. When he told me he’s going to get married soon, it was like I dropped my heart on the floor while my mind was frozen. My mind was like floating somewhere on the ceiling and it looked at my body staring at the phone and my soul just broke into pieces. But I must keep my words.

“I’m happy for you honestly.”

Things have expiry dates, even promises…

Well, a fuller life, a less demanding life, a live-for-this-moment life never assures to save me from that very moment. I kept my motto. I was not mad at all. Never. That’s no one’s fault. I’m just sad, and that’s my fault..

“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.”

“You feel good, you feel bad, and these feelings are bubbling from your own unconsciousness, from your own past. Nobody is responsible except you. Nobody can make you angry, and nobody can make you happy.”

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This life is tough. This world is crazy.

No matter what happened to you. The world keep spinning. People keep moving. Your coworkers keep working on their stuff. They still party!

No matter how hurt you’re suffering. No matter how stressed you are or how much work you have to handle. Your beloved one left you? Your family member passed away? Your boss gave you a bunch of sh*t?

People may stop by to give you a hug, show their sympathy, say few kind words, then they’ll leave you sooner or later.

You can complaint. You can blame. You can cry. You can scream. You can run away. You can hide. You can deny the truth. You can be broken.

But at the end of the day, you have to stand up and be your own hero, and probably your family’s hero. Deal with it. Face with it. This is the only choice you have. Then you will find your inner strength that you’re stronger and tougher than you thought.

I’m sorry dear. This life is tough. This world is crazy.

Once upon the time

… I threw myself out of my comfort zone. For the first time in my life, I traveled alone – trekking to the jungle – completely escaped from the world. Then I soon realized that was the best choice ever I’ve made for myself.

I planned to make this trip nearly a year before departure date, and I planned to go with my almost-marry boyfriend who finally broke up with me for another girl.

With a broken heart, I decided to go alone because this is the thing I need to do for myself – the destination, the journey, the experience. If I keep looking for and waiting for the right companions, I can never make it at all. So that’s it, if you want to do something, move your butt!

Pick up my backpack, book the hostel, make friends, step out of the comfort zone, and enjoy the life!

My 3-day trip is trekking to the jungle, exploring the cave system which one of them is the second largest cave all over the world, climbing through the hills, swimming through the caves, staying away from the world with no phone signal for 3 days… And yet have you found that is the most exciting thing you want to do?

Let me show you

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Are you ready? Let’s rock the jungle!

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First camp site. This is my bath tub! This first night we slept in the cave, on the hammocks!

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Second camp site. This is my bath tub again! This time is way better, I even had a little-natural-water-fall spa. It seems small because it’s pretty far from the place I took this picture. The small water fall is approximately 7m height I guess. There is a huge cave on the left side on the water fall, I will show you below

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This is the view when I stood on the rock at the entrance of the cave. The little blue and orange area on the right of the picture is our camp site.

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Dinner in the jungle! Yum yum 🙂 We had prok ribs, fried eggs, stir fried vegetables and rice. We also had watermelon and mango as desserts, and home-brewed rice wine!!L1030528

Second night in the jungle – we slept under trees. No need electricity. You got the full moon and millions of fireflies like stars. Until now sometimes I am nostalgic about those nights.. Yes I miss them 🙂 no shampoo for 3 days, my hair was dry like straw. It was super hot all the way in and out. My skin was tanned so much more (love it). But despite all the tiredness, sweatness, mosquitoes and insects, etc, whenever swimming through the cave and enjoying the marvelous beauty of nature, I know it’s worth at all!L1030638

Entrance to the second largest cave in the world – En cave!

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This is the exit way of En cave!

Then the next day I treated myself well by spending the whole morning at the 4-star resort with their $2 coffee with milk while waiting for my flight back home! Super cheap!!L1030829

That’s how I started traveling alone in order to make sure this world still has good people and to see the amazing world around me.

I’m sure I am the luckiest girl in the world. In the whole trip, I met the most kind-hearted people you ever wish for when traveling alone, from the tour guide to the porters and others. The day I spent in the city after the tour, I met the couple owners of the pub, and they showed me around the city, invited me their home-made lunch and even brought me to the airport!

You see, when this door closes, definitely another one will open and show you how beautiful this world is!

Cheers,

Boo